thereisnosurvivorsguide

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Category: parenting

Stop assuming your kids are straight, please.

Stop assuming your kids are straight, please.

Stop letting people punch your son in the shoulder and ask him how many girlfriends he has.

Stop letting people tell your daughter she’s going to break all the boys’ hearts.

Stop imagining a wedding day that isn’t yours.

If you’re heartbroken, or angry, when your kid comes out to you, it’s because you’ve deceived you. It’s not because of a single thing they’ve done or who they are.

If your kid needs to come out to you, because you haven’t already openly offered possibilities for any version of who they might be, work toward it.

They’ve got the whole world to be uncertain about. Make sure your love isn’t at the top of the list.

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I asked my son to call me Nik, out of respect

I am huge on respecting my elders.  Still, I am thankful that I grew up in a place that taught me to call adults by their first names.  As if their marriage status was irrelevant to holding a conversation with them.  As if I was a human too, and not hoping to grow into one.

A few years ago, in trying to express to my child that I am a whole person–

not just the one who picks up his dirty socks

or the one who cooks his meals

or the one who works for his shelter

or holds his pain

or tickles his laughter

— I asked him to call me Nik, out of respect.

I wanted him to see me as a person in the world, not just a person who meets his needs.

I wanted him to understand me as human and dismantle the pedestal he had built for me to serve him from.

Not because I am afraid of heights.

Because it is difficult to hold his hand from up there.

Because I am more than his mother.

Because when he declares, “This is what a feminist looks like” I want it to be because he cares about women, as humans, not because he has a mother.  Not because he is supposed to.

Because it is his truth.