Well alright, wake up at 6:30am and get uncomfortable and grow, says the universe:
I volunteered to drive the shelter van this morning because the regular morning driver is having an extended holiday and it is cold and snowy. Plus, it would be Mom’s 46th birthday today and since it is what she would do, I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her. (Hyper-aware that she did this for strangers for free and I am getting paid).
So, there I am, the white woman who has her own shelter and transportation these days. Also, the woman with power to give and deny rides, or, the woman who has the power to make people late for work and have to walk in the cold and snow. The woman who got to travel and eat with family yesterday.
And then the black homeless man says some pretty racist things to the native homeless man. Fuck me and a privilege check and I don’t even know if I can audibly talk to a black man about his racism this week.
But somehow I do. And then he decides he isn’t racist, cannot be, and doesn’t stop. We don’t tolerate racism and if he was white he would already be walking. (Yes, I am thinking about this). But also, it is cold and he will be late for work if I make him walk and he has a good job and will have enough saved to get his own place next week. And also, yesterday was Thanksgiving and sometimes it is hard to be thankful when you sleep on a cold floor, especially when you work 40 hours a week. Also, I am not about to tolerate racism. Period. And also, this somehow needs to be a teaching moment, because I am pretty sure he actually doesn’t think he is being racist.
So, I started driving and we talked. And everyone got a warm ride to where they needed to be and apologies were made. Some of which were mine.
Good morning. Today is use your voice when it is shaking day.
I find that it is the quickest way to answer the questions: “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?”